Rhod and Anna's World Adventure

Football as I know it involves a round ball, 11 a-side (unless played in a park using jumpers for goal posts) "on me 'ead son" "We was robbed!" "At the end of the day...." Performed at the highest level by million pound earning players and multi-million pound earning better players with supermodel wives/girlfriends. It is also the most simply scored game I can think of. 1 goal equals 1 and the team with the most goals is the winner.

Football to the Americans involves men in Lycra wearing a lot of pads. I've been told by Americans that the game is very tough so they have to wear the pads. I imagine it is tough to run around for 20 seconds and then replace the entire team for the next play! I imagine it is especially tough on the crowd who probably have no idea what is going on most of the time. I may one day need to edit this post as I would like to go and see a game of American football to see if it is a sport or a day out eating hot dogs, nachos and drinking buckets of coke. I hope it turns out to be both.

Football to the Australians is footy. Australian rules football to be exact. Melbourne is the place to watch Australian rules football as the premier league is made of 16 teams and 8 of them are from in or around Melbourne. The home of Aussie rules is the MCG or "The G" as it is known locally. It's a truly magnificent sporting venue all the more impressive since being re-vamped for the commonwealth games. But the place has now been de-running tracked and the grass has returned. Bring on the 18 a-side fighting!

The sport is played by men wearing wife beater tops. For those not familar with the wife beater it is a T shirt with no sleeves and is often sported around the UK by men who spend their summer weekends drinking Stella in a beer garden whilst getting hideously sun burnt. The tops obviously build up the Australian hard man image but that image is not aided by the team song. Every team has its own song which is played before the game and at the end if they win. The trouble is those songs are a little bit camp. I'm sorry Australia but it had to be said!

The sport itself is difficult to follow. I can confirm that it does have rules. I know this because each game has 5 umpires employed to enforce those rules. However, I'm not familiar with them. I imagine that every Australian is born understanding the game so the rules have never needed to be explained to anyone. Luckily the man sat behind us was an expert and could and regularly did advise the umpires of their various, in his view, mistakes. It's refreshing to know that you can travel around the world and still a football fan can see more clearly from the 2nd tier of the stadium than the referee can on the pitch.

The hardest part of the game is to know what to watch. They play on a cricket oval and it really is just too big a space to play one game of sport. How do you know if you should watch the two number 10's barge each other continually despite the ball being either not in play or up the other end of the field? Or should you invest your time wondering where on earth the umpires learn to run backwards so quickly? It would probably be appropriate to watch the ball and try to fathom what is going on. The down side of this being that should anyone score you will be instantly distracted from the game to watch the 2 goal umpires wave flags at each other. Or should you just watch the crowd like at any good sporting event? The die hard fans who are kicking every kick and feeling every tackle. There is just too much going on.

We watched the game with our 'bus mate' Michael (a "3-time uni dropout" as he likes to be known) and our friends Jon and Janine who recently moved to Melbourne from Essex (crazy, I know!) Normally I watch football at home and can remain focused on the game for the full 90 minutes. Not this time. I am ashamed to admit that Janine and I spent the entire game chatting but we made sure that we were always facing the pitch in a vain attempt to look like we knew what was going on. I fell short at the last hurdle however when Jon asked me who had won. I was not quick enough in my response and required a sly look at the scoreboard to help me answer. The most technical it got was when Janine announced that the "players' shorts were baggier than normal" and that "they looked cute in their sleeveless vest tops." I can freely admit that I did not get the most out of the game but the joy of uninterrupted girlie conversation was worth more than the ticket price alone!

Yesterday's game ended Richmond Tigers 92 Carlton Blues 84. Close considering 1 goal (Ball between the 2 tall posts in the middle scores 6). One of the highlights of the final quarter was watching an increasingly frustrated Carlton fan get more and more upset and aggressive with his team. As the final siren approached he had some great advice from which we could all benefit:

"Stop being so F*%&ING $H!T"

I love animals. I can't get enough of them. Either walking around in an animal sanctuary, wild or BBQ'd it's all good and gives me a warm feeeling inside. Marinated kangaroo done to perfection on the BBQ is an exceptional dish. But stroking a wombat and feeding a wallaby is also (almost) as fulfilling.

After our roaring success with Frank the baby kangaroo and Scarlett the olive python about 2 weeks ago we decided we needed more animal fun. So we booked ourselves on a trip to Phillip Island which as you will all be well aware is home to......The Australian MOTO GP and World Superbike races. It is actually MORE famous for the nightly parade of fairy penguins (now internationally re-branded as "Little Penguins" to avoid offending people) who emerge from the sea after sunset and basically 'leg it' up the beach to the safety of their burrows to avoid being eaten by eagles.

It is Australia's 2nd largest tourist attraction after the Great Barrier Reef so it was no surprise to pull into the carpark to be confronted by about 20 tour buses, one of them containing 40 overtired and overexcited school children! I did forget momentarily that I was no longer a teacher as I started to get that sick feeling of taking children on trips, though I could not imagine what it must be like taking children on a night trip near open water in the pitch black!

We were ineligible for the 'Penguin Plus' section as we didn't arrive on a nice enough tour bus so we carried on to the standard viewing area. I expected the event to be busy but I didn't expect a grandstand and a public address system! It's a good job the floodlights came on as not only did it aid our viewing but it probably helped the penguins see where they were going. It was hilarious. They emerged from the sea in groups of about 10 then after wimping out and running back into the water a few times they eventually clambered over the seaweed and onto the sand waddling as fast as they could to their burrows.

One group of penguins got over half way up the beach on 2 occasions before being spooked by a seagull and hot-footing it back to the safety of the sea. They must have been tired when they finally made it home.

Melbourne; home of this year's Commonwealth Games, location of the Australian Grand Prix and Australian Open. To superficial old me however, Melbourne means only one thing....home of 'Neighbours'!

Having visited Ramsay Street on our last visit to Melbourne we had only one more thing left on the die-hard Neighbours fan list of must-dos - Neighbours Night! Every week, 400 excitable backpackers (mostly English) pile into the Elephant and Wheelbarrow pub in St Kilda to meet and have photos taken with 3 Neighbours stars. I'd not seen Neighbours in a while so I had been religiously watching for 4 days in Adelaide to catch up. Unfortunately, rumours had been spreading that Harold Bishop, Paul Robinson and Lynne Scully were going to be there. We were therefore disappointed to learn that only Toadie, Boyd and Katya (we are not even sure if Katya has made an appearance in the UK yet) were attending that night. But nevermind. They are celebrities nonetheless.

Once in the pub the organisers keep you waiting (and drinking) for about 1 and a half hours before they unleash the stars. The atmosphere was incredible and not too dissimilar to a Take That concert (in the good old days, that is.) After some banter on the stage, the 3 of them split up around the room, closely followed by minders, to meet the hoards of sweaty drunken tourists. We got our pictures taken with all of them but there was little time for chit-chat as they get moved on pretty quickly. Toadie has been raised to new heights - you would have thought that you were in the presence of Robbie Williams the way that he was being hailed.

So good neighbours do indeed become good friends...at least they do for the minute they are with you.

Sometimes you get a good group of people on your tour bus. We were recently very lucky on our 6 day trip from Alice Springs to Adelaide. Unfortunately the crew from Adelaide to Melbourne did not contain a massive mix of fun. But we, and the cool gang at the back of the bus, held it together mainly for the good of ourselves.

The bus was a good mix of nations; French, German, Swiss, Irish, Scottish, English, Japanese and American. Our guide was the overly-excitable Zoe who thought it would be a good idea to play a game on the bus to break the ice and get to know everyone. She chose badly. If any of you know the Name Game, you'll know that it makes a very popular drinking game in the pub. On a tour bus at 9am without drink it's cringeable. After 2 hours we had lost the will to live. Bad start Zoe.

In order to salvage her reputation, Zoe quickly changed the subject and chose to discuss a subject close to every backpackers' heart: food. When the announcement was made that we were to be having spaghetti bolognaise for dinner, one girl had an issue. She claimed to be vegetarian...a vegetarian who didn't eat mince but could eat the barbeque the following night. We then spotted her eating lasagne at the pub the following day! I decided to call her a "Fauxgetarian" She also claimed to be dairy intolerant. I'm no expert but isn't the white sauce on top of lasagne made with milk? The tour guide summed it up after she'd listed her dislikes/allergies/intolerances (and be assured it took a good few kms to list them all) as "fussy". Think she hit the nail on the head!

The best thing to do when in the presence of these people is to ignore them. We built a metaphorical wall half way down the bus and had our own party. In the evenings we invited them on our trips to the pub to try and muster a bit of group spirit. It was pretty much to no avail. When the drinking started the home nations led the way with the others hardly even registering a score and thanks to the well established British binge drinking culture the only ones still up past midnight were English, Scottish and Irish. Homes nations FUN. Rest of the World NONE. We will see what the next bus brings.

The sky is grey, it's raining, it's windy and you are on the coast. What is the most sensible thing to do? Go on a scenic helicopter flight!

For those of you concerned over our recent posting highlighting the importance of cleanliness over fun when travelling, fear not. I will now give you a snapshot of our adventures on the way from Alice Springs to Adelaide in an attempt to salvage our 'cool' reputation.

I hereby present the case for fun over cleanliness...

• Spending 8 hours a day on a bus can be slightly boring. However, while some of our group chose to sleep in back-breaking positions, Rhod and I used our social skills to keep up the atmosphere in the bus chatting to people nearby. In other words, we were being social butterflies and ambassadors for international relations. Even if they wanted to sleep, we still kept talking at them!
• We stayed in Coober Pedy, the hottest town in Australia where most of the 3500 population live underground. We all stayed in this underground bunkhouse in a prison-cell kind of arrangement. This is ironic as the residents of Coober Pedy have a penchant for using explosives from the opal mines and bombing police stations or tourist buses.
• Comedy photos became a feature of the tour and wherever an opportunity presented itself, we were there, camera in hand. Less cool members of the group (Canadians) stayed on the bus and didn't join in. Playing dead on train tracks or in the middle of the Stuart Highway were some of the highlights.(Playing dead on the train track was ended abruptly by the unexpected arrival of a large freight train. See how much fun we can be?)
• Other accommodation included a sheep farm with outdoor loos, cold showers and the occasional straying kangaroo which is a shock on a pitch black 3am visit to the loo.
• On Easter Sunday we stayed in Parachilna, a town with only 2 permanent residents, namely the landlord and landlady. After our Easter roast (barbequed kangaroo) we managed to take over the local pub, the only attraction in this town made up of one street.
• We even managed to convince the bus that I wasn't too old. Some of them were initially concerned they would be spending the 6 days in the presence of a 28 year old.

For those of you worried that 'Backpacker Plus' standards have been slipping, you will be pleased to know that we are now staying in a plush ensuite private room complete with wooden floorboards, power shower and TV. A little treat after 6 days of slumming it.

We are getting progressively more familiar with early starts so we were not fazed by our 5.15 pick-up to begin our 6 day adventure from Alice Springs to Adelaide.

Our bus consisted of an Olympic-style mix of enthusiastic backpackers; 2 Japanese, 1 German, 9 English, 1 Dane, 2 Canadians, 1 Italian, 2 Swiss, 2 Korean and 2 Scottish.

First stop for the happy touring group was Kings Canyon. Alice Springs promotes itself as the gateway to Kings Canyon, Uluru and Kata Tjuta. It's about 500 Kms away! To an Australian that is just around the corner. To an English man I would need to spend 4 days preparing, checking the weather and discussing my chosen route with everybody I met before, during and after the event so that they could give me their opinions.

Kings Canyon was very impressive. We took a lot of photos of the rocks. Rock photography became the main event for about 3 days. and after a 3 hour gruelling walk in the blazing sunshine drinking hot water we headed off around the corner to Uluru. That will be around a 300 km corner! We arrived at the Uluru campsite in the dark and despite the guide pointing out the rock to us we couldn't pick it out in the darkness. We settled down for the first of 2 nights sleeping under the stars in an authentic Aussie swag.

Uluru sunrise is a big event. You stand and admire the glory of the sun rising behind you and changing the colours of the rock. There is a feeling of great tranquility sitting there and admiring the view with perhaps only...50 other tour groups! Rush hour at Uluru is early. The place is buzzing before dawn. I've never seen so many people up and about at that time of the morning. Perhaps the reason for this is that I'm not normally up and about at that time of the morning. Photos were fired off with great enthusiam. I found it ironic that a nearby american tourist (kitted out with a sun visor and fly net combo) started laughing at the amount of people the event had attracted. A little hypocritical I thought seeing as he was one of them. He then proceeded to turn his back on the main attraction and begin taking photographs of people taking photographs! Strange.

Photos of Uluru do not do it justice. It is mammoth: 350 metres high and 2 km wide with a circumference of 9 km. After having used up one memory card before 8am, our group walked around the base of Uluru for about 2 hours. This was enough for most people. There is also an optional life-threatening climb to the top of the rock. The aboriginal owners make it very clear that they do not want any visitors to climb up the rock for a few reasons. The main one is that they believe it to be sacred and that everyone who walks the trail is damaging its spiritual significance. The other reason is that it is bloody dangerous! Since the path was opened in 1986, 38 people have died by falling off, the most recent death being 4 weeks ago! But that wasn't going to stop some of the lads on our tour. One however didn't feel that he needed to take the advice of our guide. He set off for the 2 hour gruelling climb in the blazing midday sun without suncream or water: "I never get burnt" and "I never usually drink during the day back home in Essex" being the reasons. Prat!

The rest of the day was spent walking at Kata Tjuta (The Olgas which is another impressive collection of rocks) before racing back to the sunset viewing area of Uluru to do battle with the other tour groups as we watched the colours of the rock change. We drove passed the posh tour groups who had designated seats in the prime viewing area and were being served chilled champagne by a waiter. We weren't jealous. We had cheap luke warm bubbly to sip out of plastic mugs AND nibbles! More photos were fired off. You will be pleased to hear that there has been a ruthless culling of the digital photos so there will only be a condensed version for all to see when we get home.

Despite what you might think, 'Dolittle' is not a reference to the fact that we are spending 10 months doing not a lot. It is a description of our ability to bond with the native animals, something we spent most of one particular day doing in Alice Springs.

Our first encounter was at the kangaroo rescue centre which brings up joeys whose mothers have died as a result of roadkill. Note the ease with which Rhod cradles young Frank! Unlike my Uncle Frank though, this kangaroo was not fluent in franglais nor did he ask me to pass on his Chelsea season ticket to his mate in Sydney when I got there.

Our second encounter was at the Reptile Centre. I hadn't even touched a snake before now yet suddenly there I was holding Scarlett, a 10 kilogram Olive Python. My mum will be so proud!

Budget backpackers would be happy to take a photo of a hot air balloon out of the window of their 24 share dorm room.

Luxury Backpackers like us would not be content with this so we book ourselves a 1 hour sunrise balloon flight across the outback ending with a champagne breakfast. We actually booked a half hour flight but got a free upgrade to the 1 hour trip. We are still not sure why or how but we are pleased.

We are now in Alice Springs in the centre of Australia and according to the sign in the centre of town we are 15,030Km from London. So being so far away from home we thought we deserved a little treat. For those thinking that a 10 month holiday is a treat enough let me tell you it's not all lie-ins and ice-cream. Sometimes we can't find an ice cream parlour! In China and Japan we couldn't even get Cadbury's chocolate. It really is tough-going.

The morning started early and we drive off down the dusty roads of the outback to find an appropriate launch site. After some wind reviews, using helium balloons with lights inside, by the pilots we are ready to set up.

The balloon takes a long time to inflate and it's pretty cold standing in the middle of nowhere in the dark. Like a true Finn, I came unprepared for the cold, despite complaining daily about the space that my coat and jumpers take up in my rucksack. Luckily when the burners are going it's warm enough.

12 intrepid tourists gracefully climbed aboard the wicker basket for their maiden flights. Ballooning is very serene. Take off is a smooth event and you just drift on the wind across the outback and spot 1 lone kangaroo bouncing through the scrub.

Landing is slightly less serene and involves a squatting style landing position. It was bumpy and for a while looked like we might end up lying down in the dirt but the pilot held it together and we stayed upright.

After packing up we sat down for a champagne breakfast. All very pleasant. I made sure I got my money's worth when it came to the free champagne despite the fact that it was only half 8 in the morning. Every time the guy came round to refill our glasses I made damn sure mine was empty. I couldn't quite hold it together though and ended up giggling ridiculously to myself (full-bladdered) all the way home, much to Rhod's amusement.

As we had been up since 4am we got back to the hostel drunk and full up and went straight to sleep. Woke 2 hours later with mild hangover symptoms; mouth like Gandi's flipflop, slight headache, desire for Coke etc. Have made full recovery now though.

We only need to spend 4 more hours in a balloon and we will qualify for our licences. Watch out Branson and Fossett. I fancy a crack at that round the world record.

Once a jolly swag man camped by a billabong
Under the shade of a collibah tree
And he was scared as he saw the water start to swamp his tent
We need to get out of here quickly!

We've been on a 2 day camping trip to Kakadu national park. Famous for waterfalls, camping, flat land and crocodiles.

Our day started with a 6am pick-up. Just what you want on your holidays! First stop was the crocodile cruise. It is somewhat unnerving to be leafing through a scrapbook 10 minutes before casting off containing primarily death-by-crocodile stories from the Kakadu area. You know the sort; 'German girl savaged by 7 metre saltie', 'Tour guide sacked after letting tour group swim in croc-infested waters' etc etc. Picture the scene as the photos are going to follow. Boat full of tourists. Flooded river. Double decker boat, open on the top deck and windows open down stairs. A river full of crocs up to 7m long. A crazy woman with a stick whose job it is to dangle meat in the water to attract the crocs then encourage them to jump out of the water and grab it about 1m from the boat. It was fantastic if a little unnerving to have giant crocs leaping out of the water and getting higher than you if you were on the bottom deck. My favourite croc was the one they know as Michael Jackson easily identifiable because he wears a sequinned glove and cups his genitals a lot. Actually that's not true, he just has a light coloured head and a dark coloured body. We didn't see Hannibal the Cannibal though, a 7 metre beast. (I'll let you draw your own conclusions as to why he is so called). Apparently, if you see Hannibal on your cruise, you won't see any of the other crocodiles!

After the crocs we set off in the direction of the park via the always important liquor store stop. The guide had been given some advice that the road was flooded and you couldn't get in to the park. Like a true man he ignored the advice and we carried on regardless.

The road was flooded but a few crocodile warnings, water 500m wide and half a metre deep is not going to stop a Mitsubishi Canter truck with 16 people is it? The answer is no it's not. Certainly not for the first 430m but if you stop in the water to let someone past then parts that you don't want to fill with water (the intercooler) fill with water and you come to a grinding halt. Still half a metre deep. Fast flowing, 70m from shore and potentially containing crocodiles. Nice!

The day was saved by the man behind. Did you know that a Toyoto Land Cruiser containing 8 people and towing a trailer through the water is capable of stopping, getting hitched up to a 6 tonne Mitsubishi and pulling that out of the water as well. I was impressed. I thought we would be attempting to walk to the other side and was pondering if crocodiles could smell fear? I was already picturing the article of our savage murder appearing in the scrap book at the crocodile cruise centre.

Now I am familar with varying degrees of Diesel engineering problems. Faced with an engine full of water I handled the situation in my own way that will be familiar to the people I used to work with in Dagenham........... I went to lunch and let someone else sort it out!

Good news. Some one else did sort it out. After an hour and a half of tinkering (midday sun, no shade, prime burning time on the roadside) the truck re-started and we were away and carried on with our day which passed relatively smoothly from that point on. We arrived at camp and lit the campfire with 2 litres of Diesel as the wood was too wet and a jolly time was had by all. Our beds were metal frames with a mesh hammock, very 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here'. We slept surprisingly well considering the coolest it got all night was 25 degrees and 85% humidity in a plastic tent. The mosquitos had a field day with my legs though. You will be spared photos.

The morning brought further joy. The water was a long way from the tents when we went to bed. By the morning it had flooded the base of the tents of the group in the next camp and was only 4-5 m away from starting to lap at our temporary home. When the campsite owner came round and said to the guide "You need to leave now" we thought we should pack quickly. When he came back 10 mins later and said "Why are you still here? I told you to get going before the water comes across the road" we really packed fast and we were out of there.

We made it out of the park and back to Darwin but now we are a little bit stuck. We should have been on the road to Alice Springs at 6 tomorrow morning but the road (One road!What sort of backward country has one road going through the middle of it?) is flooded in 2 places so no one can drive from Darwin to Alice and no one can drive from Alice to Darwin. And if you are in the middle of the 2 flooded rivers then you're in for a long wait.

So we are staying in Darwin for....we don't actually know.

A vital resource for any backpacker is a website listing all the available hostels in a chosen area. These types of websites contain all the information about the hostel but, more importantly, customer ratings and reviews. After staying in a hostel, backpackers can rate them under certain categories such as Location, Fun, Cleanliness, Security etc. It's a sad day when you realise that on making a decision about a potential hostel, the 'Cleanliness' rating is more important than the 'Fun' rating!

Being backpackers in our mid(-late) twenties having owned our own house for the last 4 and a half years, we have slightly more requirements than your average straight-out-of-university backpacker. We like to think of ourselves as living the slightly upgraded 'Backpacker Plus' lifestyle.

For example, before we left I had visions of us saving loads of money by staying in dorm rooms. It will be fun, I thought naively. However 3 nights in Japan sharing with people who watch dvds on their laptops all day or snore at night after coming in at ridiculous o'clock was enough to change my mind. Sod the expense, we're getting private rooms from now on and preferably ensuite.

Another factor of the 'Backpacker Plus' lifestyle is our intolerance of smoking in communal areas. This was particularly bad in China and we took to tutting at the offenders and moving away from them whilst huffing and puffing in their general direction.

Since our last backpacking trip 6 years ago, we have found that all hostels now make a big thing out of having 'DVD rooms' and 'Movie Nights'. There is nothing more disconcerting than checking into a new hostel and walking past the lounge area only to find it in total silence with a room full of people staring gormlessly at the TV. As most of you know, Rhod and I just about manage an annual trip to the cinema and we only possess 3 films on DVD so there is no point striking up a conversation with us about films. When we were here last, people used to sit around drinking and chatting to one another. Most hostels had a friendly social atmosphere. It seems strange that this is what some backpackers come away for.

Maybe we're getting older or maybe we're not backpacking like it should be done. We don't care, we're still seeing the world (but in a slightly more luxurious way to everyone else!)

There comes a time in everyone's life when they lose something that is dear to their heart. During these times of struggle it's important to be strong.

I projected that my watch would last 3 maybe even 4 weeks. Unfortunately after a long flight from Perth and a fairly considerable climate change to the humidity of the tropics the Nice watch has flashed its last second and beeped its last beep. Actually as it was expiring it beeped quite alot and for a while was unstoppable.

It said water resistant to 30m. It should actually have said water resistant to 30mm as it failed very early on in its trip in to the darwin hostel swimming pool. Its final moments were spent as follows. The time changed from 4.30pm to 5.26am and the alarm, which wasn't set, went off and could not be stopped. In an event not disimilar to its life flashing before its eyes all the numbers and all of the days of the week came on simultaneously and then it was gone.

A moment's silence please for my 2 quid Nice Nike watch.

I told him so.

Now this will require a little bit of imagination/visualisation on the part of the reader.

Contained within the picture to the left are Dolphins. Can you see them? That's right the observant will have noticed that the dolphins are under the water and as such not really visible! We spent 2 sodding days sitting on a beach and then while were are on a boat returning from Freemantle to Perth 7 of the "apparently" most intelligent marine creatures decide that rather than frolic with the tourist in the crystal clear waters of Bunbury they would rather go for a swim through Freemantle freight Harbour!

Obviously if you are not expecting to see Dolphins the surprise is very pleasant. Unfortunately trying to snap some dolphins moving in the opposite direction and only surfacing for a second every few minutes is not the most photographically friendly task.

Pleasant boat trips are very nice. Boat trips when you sit outside at 5pm at night with Cyclone Glenda whipping up a storm all over Western Australia can be......blustery. The water wasn't rough it was just that we were going so quickly in to the wind that the combined effect was enough to involuntarily remove all headwear and prevent you opening your eyes to see where you were going. If you think my hair suffered in Hong Kong you can imagine what it looked like after 30 minutes into the wind. To say I looked like Worzel Gummidge would be doing him an injustice. And to think we pushed families out the way so we could get on first and sit out the front of the boat.